Standing on your own feet

Forth day:

It feels good to be back and meeting mates after my so-called McCandless Journey where i challenge myself to be stronger to face the certain outcome later in my life. By means of my inner strenght of course without being dependent on others, standing on my own feet. A mate asked where had i been and i was joking i ran away because he didnt give me a hand to clean my friggin big house, although im a bit disappointed to be honest that day, but not for long, maybe just for a night. It is such a tiny thing for me and he took it seriously and i just laughed. No, i dont give a fuck of small things anymore; to be asked to hang out with others, to be served for dinner, to be accompanied when i am lonely, to be comforted when im sad. Im facing bigger challenge now, should i say, more like a slow life-threatening. I wonder if i still can depend on others now, and the feeling of dependent to others slowly fade away, im scared to ask for help or talk about my problems, even to my family and parents. Although im staying in this big city of Birmingham at the moment, it feels like it is surrounded by big trees and no human population at all. Hence, it feels really good when i can write about it because for me to nag to others now, i should think twice. Disappointment comes where they always say "hey im your friend, you can talk to me about anything" and obviously its not. Oh yes, im such a loner now as im preparing myself to face a bigger challenge after student life. I guess loads of people are pissed off with me because im being such a jerk and secretive, but hey let me tell you guys, im sorry about everything, thats the only way i can try to fade off from our fancy life, full with friends and gadgets, oh and also money, im trying not to give a fuck of anything anymore because im training myself to be mentally and emotionally prepared. Maybe i overdo it, but what does matter to me now is i must be prepared and i cannot delay it any second. Kidulthood no more, say hello to adulthood. Oh im just gonna repeat this again, sensitivity is not my thing anymore.